A once friend recently told me to get a life. Geezum, I’m in my 60s and have had a life for a long time. I put myself through school, acquired bachelor’s and master’s degrees. Spent several years in the wrong occupation. Fixed that circumstance. Then I had a rewarding career in education.
Along the way, I worked other jobs to sustain and enrich my way of life. Thirty of those years involved tennis instruction and/or coaching, half of that after sustaining a nasty ankle injury and being told I’d never play tennis again. Most of my adult life has been conducted under the umbrella of mental and physical health issues.
So far in retirement, I’ve written and published a book, and have spent a great deal of time caring for an elderly parent. I’ve deconstructed the households of two family members, moved my own household three times, absorbed the loss of a significant other, but, yeah, I should get a life.
While I’m not always the outgoing, effervescent individual I once was, it’s still very much a part of me. It depends on the situation. As time marches on, I find myself celebrating the lives of friends and loved ones far more often than I once did. As a lifelong empath, my inner being shines in those moments. It’s acceptable for me to unleash my caring nature. I don’t worry about being admonished because I care too much. I don’t worry about being chastised because I hit an area within you that needs attention. I don’t worry about being told I’m imagining things because you’re too willing to overlook your own areas of need.
All because I care.
Why do I care? That I can’t answer. But, as a curious individual, I’ve done a great deal of reading and research. Others may dismiss it as “horse hockey.” Each of us has choices. I’ve used the word ‘empath’ a few times lately. I don’t mean empathetic. Empath implies a far higher level of sensitivity than mere empathy.
Dr. Judith Orloff writes, “Empaths share a highly sensitive person’s love of nature, quiet environments, desire to help others, and a rich inner life.” Some common traits may include: 1. An empath feels pain and suffering deeply; 2. Empaths are natural healers in the sense that people look to us for help or advice. We have an inner sense that help is needed and apply it consciously or unconsciously; 3. Empaths are tuning forks for what’s going on around them. If you enter a room and can “feel” the energy, need, emotions, etc., we absorb them like a tuning fork absorbs energy. Empaths have to learn to feel these things and then move forward. Otherwise they can become part of us and bog us down; 4. Empaths are more sensitive to our environments. Imagine all of your senses functioning 24/7 at their highest levels. Sound, motion, touch, taste, etc. We hear things you don’t…like a fly buzzing, the neighbor’s car door, a bass line thumping from a car radio. You get the drift.
There are other traits but I figure some of your heads are exploding, some of your heads are shaking in disgust, and some of your heads are overwhelmed (welcome to empath life). I have a love/hate relationship with the field of psychology. In the academic realm, I abhorred the study of it. In the life realm, I’m fascinated at how it plays out. Go figure.
It’s taken me most of my life to figure myself out. Being an empath is a burden at times. Overall I view it as a gift. It allowed me to connect with hundreds of students over the years who needed my ability to “see” and “experience” what they needed. And because I treat it as a gift, I’ve been able to understand myself better and I’m learning more about creating boundaries so I don’t function at “tuning fork” level much of the time.
But now, since I need to get a life, let me return to the rough draft of my mystery novel. Be careful, you never know when you might wind up in one of my books!
N.B. Empaths love nature and art. Impressionism appeals to me and I find looking at it is so relaxing. Monet is my favorite but I never limit myself. There’s too much good stuff to see! And, Doc Y., if you’re reading this and thinking it’s “hooey,” it’s ok. Because I still care.
Stories Are For Eternity 