This is a snippet from the lyrics of a song by the same name written by Dave Mason. It dates back to the 70s, an important time period in my development. It invokes a few thoughts for me and I have a feeling my writing will take shape as I think, rather than what I’ve already formed in my mind.
As is the case with many, I’ve been through many different things in my life. My life has tested me in ways I never dreamed possible. But you know what? It’s ok. My challenges have shaped me into the imperfect person I am today. Those same challenges have also gifted me the insight to recognize trauma in others. Others aren’t always happy about that.
Even when I was 15 and began teaching tennis as a part-time job, I frequently ended up teaching the “difficult” kids. You know them. They stand out by way of negative attention. The trauma of witnessing domestic violence as I grew up evolved into a gift. It allows me to see the discomfort and pain in others. And it moves me to want to help ease that pain.
No one knew, and few would guess now, what I experienced. It’s taken decades for me to recognize the PTSD signs that emerge when voices are raised, when I see someone imbibing far too much, when I see a hand raised in anger, and so many more scenarios. But it has allowed me to “stay and play” rather than run and hide.
It’s had its negative impacts, believe me. I doubt I’d be obese if I hadn’t turned to food to cope. It’s better than drugs I suppose, but being obese brings many other issues to the table. It’s a cause to sustain more abuse by way of being shunned, being looked at as lazy and worthless, being told innumerable times to “have some self control” or to “get hold of yourself.” Do you really think I enjoy looking and feeling the way I do?
I look back at my teenaged self and I wish I’d had a teacher, like I was, who would have talked to me and guided me. I wish my guidance counselor would have taken an active role. But, the reality is I probably wouldn’t have listened. In those days you kept your mouth shut and didn’t talk about troubles. How did that work out?
Please keep an open mind. If someone like me asks you questions and suggests you might want to talk to someone, don’t take offense. My intentions are good, they come from my heart. I care and recognize you live with pain that could be helped. Don’t go on the defensive and feel you’re being disrespected. It means someone cares about you.
“When your day is long/And the night, the night is yours alone/ When you’re sure you’ve had enough/Of this life, well hang on…”. R.E.M. “Everybody Hurts”
Stories Are For Eternity 