“So Eden sank to grief/So dawn goes down to day/Nothing gold can stay.” Thought I’d change things up with a poetry snippet from Robert Frost’s poem, “Nothing Gold Can Stay.” I’ve referenced this poem in previous posts, especially in my previous blog thequarryschild.com .
I hold myself to some pretty high standards. It was how I was raised and I’m glad I was raised to have morals, goals, manners, etc. That said, I’m far from being a perfect human being. Perfection is an ideal that will never be achieved. I gave up on that long ago. What you see is what you get with me. Yes, I can be brutally honest. Yes, I can be very sarcastic. Yes, I can be the most loyal friend you’ve ever had.
For some reason I’ve always felt the latter was tremendously important in one’s life. However, life’s journey has shown me it’s a concept many do not embrace. Hey, I get it. The years pass and everyone’s lives become different and diverse. Each of us has a variety of challenges thrown at us. It’s difficult to navigate all of those important shoals of one’s life and keep up with friends.
I had many students in the past who would preface a sentence with, “I’m not gonna lie, Ms. Anderson, but I didn’t __________________ .” Choose from the following to fill in the blank: a) read the book; b) do the assignment; c) get past page 15 of the book.” Always with a smile on my face, my thoughts were any of the following: 1) really? Gee, I wouldn’t have known; 2) yes, it’s painfully apparent; 3) thank you for sharing, but why would you tell that to your teacher?” Of course there were several other choices. Mostly I chose just to say, “thank you for sharing.”
There is a point to this. It pains me to say, “I’m not going to lie, but friendships may be disappointing.” Notice I could not type the word “gonna” in terms of my personal vernacular. That aside, I’ve had a few friends I’ve maintained a relationship with since we were youngsters. I’ve gone out of my way at times to stay in touch. As an adult I’ve also tried to create communication with some from the past only to discover that “talking” through texts and other forms of social media is just so two-dimensional and flat. One’s tone and personality is not conveyed properly and it just leads to disaster. This happened all too recently and, to be honest, I’m tired of ending up on the wrong end of the stick. I’ve practically stood on my head trying to accommodate some individuals but heaven help anyone who misunderstands and isn’t willing to talk things through as adults should.
Therefore, I’ve made a conscious decision to abandon further pursuits on my part. If someone reaches out to me, I’m happy to reciprocate. But gone are the days of me texting, emailing, cajoling, phoning, etc., when often I receive a perfunctory reply or none at all. If you know me, and you’re reading this, you may wonder if you’re one of those people. Truthfully, you should know. If you’re unsure, ask.
My career is in the rear view mirror. It was wonderful and I really enjoyed it. The next chapter is open and I’m working on carving out time for new pursuits, personal care, and elder care duties. If you’d like to share in my thoughts and activities, it’s up to you. I’ve done more than my share over the decades and I’m worn out. I’d love to have you in my life but I just cannot work to maintain it anymore.
“Nothing gold can stay.” Stuff changes, people change, our lives change. While we may look back on the good times, the good times have eclipsed us. They’re memories and while memories are wholly important, they’re intangible. Memories are wisps of life that melt away if we let them but we cannot expect them to repeat themselves.
In terms of personal relationships, I lost someone who was an integral part of my life for a very long time. Truth be told, I have yet to deal with those feelings. I often turn to the words of others for help. Sarah McLachlan has helped me more than once… “So afraid to love you/But more afraid to lose/Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose…”. From “I Will Remember You”
In terms of the “good old days,” they’re gone and cannot be recreated. “And I hope when I get old I don’t sit around thinking about it/But I probably will/Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture/A little of the glory of, we’ll time slips away…”. Bruce Springsteen “Glory Days”
Time to move away from the thoughts that I’m still like I was back in the day. Nope, I’ve evolved and learned to use my words effectively. I matter and it’s time I’m treated that way. Cheers!
Stories Are For Eternity 